5 steps to becoming a prize FIghTER
That's F-I-T-E-R, in case you wondered...
6. Keep reading...
One inescapable aspect of embarking on a long journey is that we will have had a range of experiences along the way. Some of these have served to enrich, transform and encourage us, while others have hurt us and left us wounded; some experiences have confused us while others developed us in unforeseen ways.
Another inevitable aspect going on any journey is that we collect items... or baggage (things people have done or said that stick to or stick with us) along the way, often of no fault of our own! Painful words; unkind actions; repeated abuse, bullying or a traumatic experiences; each of these can sadly serve as permanent roadblocks to living the enriched life (socially, emotionally, and mentally) we so strongly desire.
Welcome to the human condition
The reality is that we've all got baggage (unresolved hurt, grief, frustration, bitterness, disappointment) --- it's inescapable.
However, when we start to unpack it and deal with it we can finally move forward freely to become the best version of ourselves.
I like to describe this process with the phrase “Becoming the 'wholest' version of yourself”. This simply means that our confidence has been redeemed, restored and healed, and we are able move forward in life with kindness, love and strength as our mantra. This is a “whole” person, and it can only happen if we confront the unresolved hurt, grief, frustration, bitterness and disappointment head on. We have to wage war on these feelings and emotions and see them no longer as our friend, but our arch-enemy.
Another way I like to explain wholest is like when the "puzzle" of your life has been completed and you can see the big picture - all the fragments come together to reveal the complete you in all your glory.
The journey getting there takes a lifetime, and it shouldn't be the focus of everything we do... but it's still good to consider any unresolved baggage to consciously and conscientiously run forward in life. Only the brave set out on this journey, and I've got good news:
No matter where you are on the trail:
YOU ARE BRAVE!
This is why superhero movies and fairytales resonate with us so well- the characters embrace the journey toward redemption; becoming the wholest version of themselves. They make for a great stories!
It’s true that hurt people hurt people; it’s also true that whole people inspire wholeness in people.
Be the latter.
Teachers- teach kids to be the best version of themselves.
Parents- raise your kids to be the best version of themselves.
EVERYONE- BE the best version of yourself!
If your kids (or students) are anything like me, then they might be prone to taking things personally (because of sensitivity or experience), have developed a hatred (or extreme dislike) of school, or have faked an illness to get
out of school. I see it all the time. It’s a real problem that takes care, compassion, time, healing and forgiveness.
So whether you yourself are working through bullying, teasing, hurt or trauma, or your kids are, here are 5 quick tips that I’ve discovered while offloading baggage that has tried to stick with me over the years:
How to become a FI(GH)TER:
Step 1: Forgive
Forgive whomever wronged you and then forgive yourself. Then move on.
Forgiving someone reclaims any power an experience or person has over you, including determining how you act or behave in the future. Forgiveness sets you free and it is a decision you make. Make a decision to do it today... and again and again and keep doing it more if you have to! I've had to forgive some people for some pretty horrible things, but in doing so I've been set free as a result. I am now happy when good things happen to the people who wronged me because I know that my joy is not dependent on them or on the past.
Step 2: Imagine
Imagine how freely you would live if bad things that were said or done to you never happened… then live THAT WAY!
We have all been robbed one way or another. It could have been our confidence, our innocence or something else. Always remember, being wealthy is an inside job and a mindset that forms between our ears.
One question that might help you is:
If your life was a book, what good things would you write into the next chapter? Write it all down and fill an entire side of A4.
Step 3: Think
Think of who you will be able to help as a result of going through what you’ve gone through.
If you really want payback, fight for the good of the future rather than hanging onto the pain of the past. This is true payback (or “pay it forward”).
I’ve started writing this year as a way to honour those who have helped me on my journey and share what I’ve learned both personally and professionally. Now it's your turn!
Step 4: Explore
Explore what the best version of what YOU looks like and live toward that end.
Write it down, ask your closest friends, talk with a counsellor or life coach, meet with a faith leader, just do SOMETHING to move forward! Just don’t do any of this alone.
Tip: Only ask people who you would consider to be good examples. Find people who are doing good things in life, whether it's personally, professionally or in their family, and can speak openly, honestly, and encouragingly to you.
Step 5: Remember
Remember, we are all on a journey.
The important thing to remember is that we are all on this adventure called life. There are mountains, valleys, hills, troughs, rivers, streams, lakes, trees, etc... The point is not in “arriving” (though when we do it’ll be great!); the point is learning to thrive along the way, whether it’s sunny or cloudy. It's also important to remember everyone else is on their own journey and to keep this in mind when dealing with broken people, as hard as it might be!
Tip: Remember how far you come and from where you came. Be grateful always, as this will always keep you grounded when your life takes off!
Will you join me?
I look forward to hearing from you - Please get in touch!